Am i going crazy does she care or not?

The mother of my child (20 month old boy) left me about 3 months ago she moved down the hall from me in my bulding. I recently crashed our car in a druken state (2 months ago) ive been sober since then and im trying everything in my power to reconsile our differences however she seems content with just being close freinds i just want my girl back and im so sick everyday that pes that im alone. Let me tell you about the breakup for the last 2 years ive been a real a hole i drank to much called her names and broke stuff around the house we tried to go to couple counsiling a couple of times but i just refused to change after my car crash i realised that i was going down a path of no return and since then ive completed an anger management cl and attending a.a clases twice a week at first i asked her if in a year we could maybe get back together she said shed think about it I tell her everychance i get how sorry i am and that i just want to be with her but she gets mad and says she can never see us together again but theres times when we hang out snuggle and watch tv at her place wich makes me feel that there is a chance like last weekend i babysat our son nolen while she went out with some freinds when she got back she was pretty tipsy and started to kiss me and play with my privates then she stopped and said that if she didnt buy a last week wed problay have right now then shed showed me the i dont no why but she did and it was allmost 7 inches long im only 6 im just so confused with her actions i dont no what to do should i keep tryin for the one i love or should i move on even though i cant move on im so f in deppresed i lose sleep and cry every night im scared shes seeing some one else or that i never satisfied her from the begening please some one help me out and give me some insight thanks